‘That’s The Story Of My Life’ Feature: ‘Cancer Room’ by Cassandra Spykerman

‘That’s The Story Of My Life’ was a recent production held in collaboration with the National Library Board. Nine performers were trained by Kamil Haque in the art of staging their personal stories, after which they performed for the public. In this series, we share some of the stories told by the performers.

‘Cancer Room’, written and performed by Cassandra Spykerman
Inspired by ‘Bugis’ by Alfian Sa’at

Cassandra SpykermanBiography: Cassandra has been involved in the theatre scene since 2009 and enjoys the beauty of being a different person every time she sets foot on stage or on set. She was last seen as part of the ensemble cast for ‘Singapura The Musical’, and as Rachelle from ‘Tanglin’, a Mediacorp TV series on Channel 5. She is extremely excited to be part of this production and would like to thank Kamil Haque and the National Library Board for this opportunity.

*****

(In a nightclub. She is talking on the phone.)

Hello? Love? Where you? Wait, what? Phuture? Hotdog stand? I can’t really hear you. Wait ah. These people really only know how to push. Tsk. Okay, you tell me where you exactly. Huh? Kk, see you at the main toilet.

(Pushes past people in the audience and finally gets on stage, the toilet where she meets her friend.)

Wah, love. So long sia, just to find you. It’s no wonder I don’t enjoy clubbing anymore. So difficult to get to people. Heh.

You’ll never guess what happened la just now. I am super annoyed you know. You remember this girl Jess, I used to tell you about? Ya, she got Z, M and I in tonight.

So okay we get here then go to the smoking area. Out of the damn blue, in a limp black cotton dress, she jumps on Z. Like literally jumps on his back screeching, “Oh I miss you. How come you don’t play Dota anymore?” Tsk. Please la. You think you play the same video game as him means you’re cooler than me? My goodness. I mean seriously sia love. You imagine ah, you see a chick jumping on your man like that. What would you do? But wait, that’s not all.

Z then introduces me. She gave me some half-hearted handshake. EHEH IF YOU JEALOUS CAN SAY WHAT. WHY MUST BE SO SPITEFUL. DON’T SHAKE SUDAH. UGH. IRRITATING YOU KNOW.

That one nevermind.

She proceeds to include M in her masterplan. Making as if she cares about where he’s from la and all that. This one is the best one know.

This M wants a tattoo.

She can say to him, “Ha? You really want a tattoo? We all could go to my place to get it done.”

Dah la her voice is a cross between a kookaburra cackling and a canary who just cannot sing to save its life. You want me to deal with it more?

My boyfriend also another one. “Oh ya dude. Jess is a tattoo artist.”

EH HELLO, YOU BLIND IS IT? CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT SHE’S TRYING TO DO? This Z also sometimes very bodoh and blind la. Why is this girl his friend anyway?

At this point, I wanted to slap all 3 of them already. But M notices that I’m cringing and constantly smoking cigarette after cigarette so he declines the offer.

But this Jess wants to win. She seriously was looking for a battle with me.
She starts telling us about her holiday. ANYONE ASKED NOT AH? UGH. Anyway, she goes, “I went to Europe recently. Just used my savings and decided to go. It was a spur of the moment thing. Wanderlust.”

I went to Europe, I went to Europe. WHO GIVES A SHIT. SO? YOU WENT TO EUROPE? THEN? WANDERLUST? I WANTED TO TELL HER, “EH YOU THINK THAT WORD IS COOL? I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU CAKEFACE. IT AIN’T.”

(Her phone beeps.)

Wait ah love. Ah, you see. This fella message already. Saying he misses me. Aduii, sweet ah. NEVERMIND. Let him wait.

Got to give it to the dude la. After her bragging, he mentioned our piggy bank to her. Told her we plan to go to Paris, maybe, with the savings or anywhere la we want to go. You know how Z and I are like. We are a bit fickle.

This Jess can turn around and tell him that we shouldn’t plan these things.

I don’t know if she’s deaf or what la. We’re just saving per. We don’t have concrete plans yet. Even if we do like to plan, why you affected? Kan?

Tsk, I don’t know la, babe. She really made me so angry la. Super disrespectful la.

Z told her some more that I’m coming. LIKE STOP IT PLEASE. SO IRRITATING.

I hate feeling this way you know but I can’t stop being affected by it. I don’t know why also.

(Friend looks disbelieving.)

Why are you giving me that face? Tsk. Fine.

Ya la I know I’m being insecure and I shouldn’t – especially when Z is really making it known to her that there isn’t any chance between them.

But sometimes you can’t –

(Her phone beeps.)

You can’t help it you know? It’s like a bad habit. Like smoking. It’s bad for you but you do it anyway. You give in.

Everyone feels insecure one way or another and it’s okay. It’s just how we deal with it, right?

Kkkk, enough la, Z texted me again. I think worried already la.

Shall we head to the bar first before meeting them again?

Ok la, leggo.